LYRICS

(MARY frantically lays out the family’s lunches, cutting, slicing, spreading, etc.)

MARY:

BOBBIE, NO DAIRY
BUT TOFU? TOO SCARY
A PICKLE, IF CUT INTO THIRDS
THIS PART'S AMAZIN'
IF SHE FINDS A RAISIN
SHE'LL GIVE THE WHOLE THING TO THE BIRDS
WHO HATES RAISINS?
I MEAN, RAISINS???
NATURE’S CANDY
AND SHE LIKES CANDY!

CHARLIE THE DOG: Woof!

MARY:

AND WAFFLES FOR THE DOG!

MARY (cont’d): Rex, Rex… Why did I marry that guy? I didn’t know that I’d have to make lunch for him every day. He’s such a fussy eater.

MARY (cont’d):

REX IS A VEGGIE
BUT SEEDS MAKE HIM EDGY
ZUCHINI? HE WON'T EAT AT ALL
EGGPLANT? FORGET IT.
PICKY? YOU SAID IT!
CARROTS? AS LONG AS THEY'RE SMALL
BABY CARROTS?
THEY'RE JUST CARROTS!
THEY'RE MADE FROM THE BIG ONES
HE HATES THE BIG ONES!

CHARLIE THE DOG: Woof!

MARY:

AND TRUFFLES FOR THE DOG!

MARY (cont’d): Charlie has the most refined tastes of any of us. But me, I just keep it simple. I don't have time to be complicated.

MARY (cont’d):

MARY, I'M EASY
SIMPLE AND BREEZY
COULD EAT IT RIGHT OUT OF THE CAN
NO VERMICELLI,
JUST P.B. AND JELLY
SKIPPY, OR ELSE PETER PAN
JUST NOT CRUNCHY!
I HATE CRUNCY!
DISGUSTING CRUNCHY,
CRUNCHY TEXTURE!

CHARLIE THE DOG: Woof!

MARY:

AND NOW TO WALK THE DOG!

(MARY runs offstage with a leash, CHARLIE happily following her.)

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