LYRICS

Backstage at a circus
LION TAMER: Oh Horatio, I think I'm in love.
LION: Roar… Roar?
LION TAMER: I guess you're right. And sometimes you find it right under your nose.
LION TAMER (cont’d):

I MET A LADY,
A VERY SPECIAL LADY
A LADY THAT YOU'D MEET
AND THINK WAS POSITIVELY WEIRD.

SHE'S QUITE A LADY,
THIS VERY SPECIAL LADY
SHE KIND OF MADE MY HEART
GO PITTER PAT WHEN SHE APPEARED

TO SEE THIS LADY,
THIS LOVELY, LOVELY LADY
SHE SEEMS SO OUT OF REACH
AND SO ASTOUNDINGLY REVERED

I MET A LADY,
I LOVE A LADY,
I LOVE THE LADY
WITH THE BEARD

CIRCUS STAGE MANAGER (O.S.): You're on! Let's go!
They step into the ring. The LION TAMER performs absent mindedly as he sings.
Clowns, seals and sideshow characters look on.
LION TAMER:

THE BEARDED LADY
THAT GOOSEY, JUICY, LADY
SHE'S GOT THE CUTEST DIMPLES
ON HER FUZZY APPLE CHEEKS

AND WHAT A BODY!
A VERY HAIRY BODY.
IT'S GETTING GOOD AND KNOTTY
LIKE SHE HASN'T SHAVED IN WEEKS

The LION vies for the LION TAMER's attention.
LION TAMER (cont’d):

A SINGING ANGEL
MY SCRUFFY, PUFFY ANGEL
SHE'S ALL TOGETHER BETTER THAN
THE MIDGETS AND THE FREAKS.

NO USE DENYIN'
SHE'S GOT ME SIGHIN'
SHE'S WHOM THIS LION
TAMER SEEKS

They dance
CLOWN 1: Pay attention! You're going to get hurt again!
CLOWN 2: I can't bear to watch.
LION TAMER & OTHERS:

FORGET THE SIDESHOW.
THAT REALLY SILLY SIDESHOW
CUZ SHE'S THE MAIN ATTRACTION
AT A BIG TOP OF HER OWN

The LION almost mauls the LION TAMER several times.
LION TAMER & OTHERS (cont’d):

A THREE-RING CIRCUS
WHERE NO ONE COMES TO IRK US
I SEE A HIGHER PURPOSE
FOR THE TWO OF US, ALONE

WE'LL HAVE A BABY
A HAIRY, BEARDED BABY
WE'RE HOPING IT'LL MAYBE
HAVE A MUSTACHE WHEN IT'S GROWN

LION TAMER:

I'M DONE WITH WHIPS AND CHAIRS
AND WITH LIONS' DERRIERES
OH, BEARDED LADY,
SOMEONE CARES!

He tosses aside his whip and chair. The LION pounces, taking a nice juicy bite.

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